I’m sorry that I’m posting again. And I’m probably wasting your time right know, but I really want to post this  because I think you may come with a good advice… And if you don’t know how to reply… it’s good. I just hope you know what to do.

OK, in short: I have an eating disorder… I stopped eating and sporting very often… get headaches everyday, losing weight ‘till under the 40 kg… but I still thought I was fat. Then I met someone, who’s now my boyfriend, and he makes me feel so good, I found that I don’t need to lose so much weight to be wanted, to be good, to be beautiful… This period of freedom lasted five months. And now there’re a few things going on… 

First of all, the summer is close… So it’s almost time to go to the beach, swimming, laying in the sun… In a bikini! I I wanted to workout anyway. Abdominal muscles can not hurt, of course. 

But there is another thing. I have a good friend. And she’s going through the same as I did… She told us and I feel responsible for her. Because I’m the only one who knows where’s she going through. I said to her she’d to go to our mentor and she did, so I feel a little less responsible for her. 

But the problem is, she talks about it a lot. And it’s dragging me into that world again. I really want to eat less, and sport more. The urge is increasing. But I know my boyfriend don’t want me to do it again. He will worry about me, too much. And I don’t wanna lose him. So I don’t do it. But I want it so badly… but… I don’t know what to do. I’m of two minds. 

My parents don’t know about this, and I want it to be so, so I can’t go to them. So please don’t say that. All my friends know about this problem. 

Do you know what to do? I’m desperate!

(I’m sorry it’s so long… I feel really selfish now)